It's enough to make me crazy

I've spent the last two days wondering why the fuck I even miss you. But god I'd love to see you. It might be worth the pain.

All this yelling and fighting is the same it's always been. Me digging at your heart, trying to find the hole you buried it in. You needing someone strong enough to stand up and fight. But all I am now is a tired little soldier. Battlescarred and bloodstained. Tired from the fight.

All you have to do is raise your white flag. Let me know you're ready to let go. Let me know you're ready to give in. Stop hiding behind the other women. The ones you know aren't good enough. I've talked to them. Met some of them. And they're all the same. Just pawns in this sad little game.

In a game with no winners, what's it all about? What is it you're looking for? The need for salvation or self preservation? Who can find any of that when you can't even find the truth?

And I've asked, shit, I've begged. I've given you everything I could. I gave til I lost myself somewhere inside of you. After all of that, we're still connected somehow. The world's cruel little joke is that YOU had to be the one I picked. The one I wanted more than anything. It's a shame it felt so good when I believed you wanted me back.

But now, those feelings, just like your words, they aren't allowed to mean anything to me. But every trickle, every drop of you that seems to fall into my life is one more thing to wrap up in my memory of you.

And I ask myself what all of it means. Why I can't stay angry at you. Why I wish we hadn't walked away. Why you never had the guts to fight for me. Hell, even fighting for yourself would have been worth something.